If I need you, I’ll page you! Ouch!

Beirut, Lebanon—In a turn of events that even Hollywood couldn’t script, Hezbollah just got a mouthful of their own medicine. Israel has been making waves, laser-targeting Hamas and other terror leaders by exploiting cell phone vulnerabilities like a hacker in a spy thriller.

To dodge these high-tech takedowns, the terrorists thought they'd outsmart the system by dusting off some 90s relics—pagers. Yes, you read that right. Apparently, pagers are “unhackable,” but there’s one little hiccup: they’re one-way communication devices. Not exactly cutting-edge, but hey, it allowed them to shoot off a mass page and summon their foot soldiers for military action. Low-tech and effective... until it wasn't.

In a desperate rush, Hezbollah bought up a batch of pagers. Now, where they found these ancient gadgets is anyone’s guess—eBay? A RadioShack that never closed? But credit goes to some real Einstein who figured out a way to booby-trap them. These pagers came with a “special delivery”—an explosive surprise rigged with buckshot. One mass call later, a series of pager bombs wiped out Hezbollah’s finest in the blink of an eye. Eight top fighters were turned into history books, and another 3000 were maimed, some beyond recognition.

Medical resources? Completely overwhelmed. Terrorists? Benched—some permanently. Talk about a tactical takedown!

No one’s claiming responsibility for this inventive military strategy, but all eyes are on Israel. Hezbollah is vowing revenge, but with most of their fighters now wearing hospital gowns, good luck with that!

Adding insult to injury, paranoia has gripped the ranks. Who’s going to trust any communication device now? The mere thought of checking messages could trigger their newly acquired PTSD. Fighting a war without communications? That’s like playing chess blindfolded.

And let’s be real: Iran might want to sit this one out. Israel's got a nuclear hammer, and Iran’s looking pretty light in the arsenal department.